I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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