my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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