I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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