Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
