btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
