The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
