i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
