Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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