Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
