im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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