I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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