just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
