I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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