Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
