weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
