Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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