Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
