she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
