This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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