We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
