when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
