I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
