sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
soo... how was my night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
