By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
