Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
