meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
