2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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