this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
