i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
