It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
