I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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