I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
