How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
