I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
