Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
