he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
