Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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