Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
