I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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