i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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