The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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