ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
