OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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