my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
