I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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