Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
