went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
