she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
