i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
