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I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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