was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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