I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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