She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
